General, Generalissima: Episode II

It wasn't until I got to college (a school where, like, ninety-seven percent of the female population is obsessed with finding husbands, getting married, and having kids in that order)(I also went to a conservative, Baptist university, go figure) that I couldn't take it any longer. Everywhere I turned, marriage became the topic of discussion, and everyone had an opinion on when it should happen (now, apparently, seemed to be the consensus), and I can remember a girl on my hall one year was seriously crying because her boyfriend hadn't proposed yet, and all I recall thinking was, Are you serious? There has to be way more than this. And just like in high school, I found myself not fitting in with my own gender. It was absolutely infuriating. But mostly disheartening.

Finally, I sat down with one of my female government professors my junior year, a woman I considered to be a mentor. She was essentially the real life Wonder Woman, so I will refer to her as Diana. Diana was an incredibly intense woman. I think she owned three suits (two of which were in navy blue), she listened to the Federalist Papers on her iPod when she ran, and she had a Ph.d from Cambridge. I came to Diana's office, exasperated with my career prospectives and more than infuriated with the entire vibe toward the females on campus. We had an enlightening talk about a lot of things, but what I remember most about that afternoon was a statement she made regarding femininity. She herself had chosen her career and ministry over marriage, and she told me that despite these things, her church still approached her to watch over the nursery. In her very dry, Diana-esque tone, she told me she had responded as such: "Which of my credentials suggests to you I would be best suited for this task?"

She went on to say that as a woman, femininity stems from the mere fact that you are a woman, not from abiding by any specific standard society or Christian culture holds you to. Honoring God, or exemplifying Biblical Femininity, comes from reading scripture and obeying God as a woman. There's no secret formula. There's no one mold. Some women want to start a family right away, and some want to write a science fiction epic before the age of thirty, but God calls both to the same standard of holiness. Some women will be Buffy Summers and some will be Pam Beasly, and some, like the judge Deborah, will balance both with a sawed-off Repeater like Zoe Washburne from Firefly. Either way, as a woman you are an essential part of God's plan, and your value is intrinsic, not stemming from your own desires or preferences.

After that meeting, I ran to the restroom and cried for about ten straight minutes (yeah, that's right, like a girl; deal with it). It was like all those years of believing the lies--that women would always be second rate, that because I wasn't into make-up or The Bachelor or whatever I wasn't feminine, that because I didn't dress a certain way or look a certain way that made me less of a lady, or even that because I didn't desire motherhood from day one, God had no use or love for me--were finally dead and gone. It was truly a William Wallace moment for me. God had created me (minus the sin nature) exactly the way I was supposed to be. No mistakes.

I know this (these) post(s) has (have) been super long, but this issue has always resonated with me ("Obviously, General."--Everyone reading this). My design wasn't to get all political, but to share my own struggles. I know I made a crack at the Duggers earlier, but I seriously harbor no dislike of them. My mom always said that giving up her teaching career to raise her kids was the greatest decision she ever made, and I have always had such tremendous respect for that. Same goes for the Duggers. My point is just that at this stage in my life, I have no interest in having/rearing/working with/standing near small children. I'm sure they're wonderful. Either way, I believe I have said everything that needed to be said on the topic. Until next time.

Keelah Se'lai
The General

(Episode I, in case you missed it)